One day down....

Well I made it through my first day of this diet competition. Yee Haw!!! It really helped to have such supportive friends around me. Even the ones competing against me. I didn't reach my goal for water, but I did get at least 2 bottles down. I didn't get to do any sort of exercise either because my day was just too packed. But I did fabulous with the eating and I am totally proud of myself! Tomorrow I will have to make more of an effort on water. I signed up for a really cool website called Nutrimirror. It helps you track your food, water, and exercise. It also has alot of support type stuff that I've yet to use. It's a free site so that's even better!!
Tomorrow is a new day......

I don't

1. I don't have any will power when it comes to food and money!
2. I don't like judgemental people
3. I don't do mornings
4. I don't drink milk
5. I don't drive the speed limit
6. I don't take compliments easily
7. I don't like public speaking
8. I don't like to exercise even though I MUST!
9. I don't want my kids to grow up so fast
10. I don't know how to use the link thingy so you'll have to visit Jenna over @ Jenna's Journey to participate in this.....guess I should add that I don't really know how to blog! HA HA!

Battle of the bulge!

So tomorrow a bunch of girls at work are starting a weight loss competition. Each of us will put in $20.00 and whoever loses the most weight in the next four weeks wins all of the money. I decided to blog this to somewhat keep myself honest, but mostly to make myself aware of what I'm eating and how much I'm exercising. I've decided I will commit to drinking 64 ounces of water a day; doing at least 30 minutes of some sort of physical activity; and keeping my calories below 1400-1500 a day. I'm going to try the low carb thing. After we weigh in tomorrow I will post my weight on here. YIKES!!!! I have never admitted my weight to anyone! Hopefully letting that out of the bag will further motivate me to get the fat off and keep it off!!! Wish me luck!! Any good weight loss suggestions???

Eight things

8 things I am looking forward to:
*lunch with Travis tomorrow
*my kid free weekend next weekend
*seeing my mom for Mother's Day
*my appointment with Dr. Doner
*the Nickleback concert this weekend
*our 3 day weekend on Anna Maria Island
*the last day of school
*Charleston, SC for my birthday

8 things I did yesterday:
*went to work
*had a facial (ahhhhhhhhhhhh)
*took Tito to his Dr. Green appointment
*deposited two months worth of checks into the PTA account FINALLY!!!
*went to the gym
*went to Publix (hubby swears I go every day)
*actually remembered to water my plants
*facebook

8 things I wish I could do:
*dance
*ski
*say NO and not feel guilty
*be more dedicated to the gym
*last longer than 15 minutes on the elliptical demon machine
*stay calm when people tick me off
*paint - like a picture, not a wall
*cook like the people on Food Network

8 shows I watch:
*CSI
*Law and Order SVU
*John and Kate plus 8
*HGTV
*Food Network
*Without a Trace
*NCIS (Abbie is my favorite!!!)
*that stupid cage fighting show when hubby won't give up the remote!!

Bring on the tears.....

As a supervisor, I sometimes have to tell people to leave their personal problems at the door. So I have really tried to leave mine at the door, but it has all become a little more than I can bare. I hate for people to see me cry because it makes me feel vulnerable and I HATE feeling vulnerable. The last few weeks have been a huge emotional drain for me. Travis is going through a really bad spell and nothing we do seems to be getting through to him. First we grounded him, but that didn't work. Surely if we take his x-box and TV away, he'll get the point. Yeah right!! Not so much. Okay buddy, no electronics at all; no computer, no Gameboy, no I-pod. Bet that'll teach ya! Nope, not so much. The only thing he was allowed to do was play outside which we really did not want to take away. We were so amazed that when we took everything away, he couldn't wait to get outside everyday. He built a bench, a huge bird condo, a chair, and has a "cat trap" in the works because he wants to catch the stray cat in the neighborhood and keep it for a pet. He played in the woods, made trails and forts, all the normal kid stuff that I grew up doing but kids now-a-days don't do. Anyhoo - he has continued with the bad behavior and seems to be upping the ante everyday. So we finally told him he wasn't allowed out of his room until he learned to make better choices. He's allowed to come out to eat, bathe, and go to school. So what does he do????? Completely trash his room!!! So after several nights of not sleeping, a full on anxiety attack at 4:00 in the morning Wednesday morning, and weeks of feeling like a horrible failure as a mother, I broke down and made an appointment with my favorite doctor at work. He's my unofficial shrink. What I didn't expect was to completely fall to pieces when he walked through the door. And once the flood gates opened, I couldn't close them again no matter how hard I tried. He is such a wonderful listener and makes you feel so safe to just pour your heart out. So I went on and on about what a failure I must be and how I am slowly losing touch with reality....Pity party for one? Your table is ready.
I have gotten to the point that work feels like a break for me and I don't want to come home. And that makes me feel horribly guilty!! But I know what I'm doing at work, I'm good at it, and I can see progress from all of my effort. Lately at home, I feel like I don't know a darn thing and I'm certainly not good at it!! I really have no clue what I'm doing and I feel like I have totally failed this kid. I take it all very personal and feel totally isolated from all of the other parents in my circle (cause you know they all have perfect children). The rational part of my brain knows I shouldn't feel this way, but the emotional part of my brain keeps giving the rational part of my brain the finger!
So Dr. U said all the right things to settle me down and then.......took away my diet pills!!!! OH MY WORD!!!!! NOT the diet pills! I got the deadpan face, "Are you kidding me?" look from him. No sympathy for me there. Apparently while your diet pills are telling your brain you're not hungry, they're also telling your brain that you can't handle stress and the world is out to get you. Hmmmmmm...that sounds vaguely familiar. So I reluctantly agreed to give up my precious diet pills and report back in 3 weeks. Travis goes back to Behavior Therapy a week from Tuesday, which seems like forever away, but it's the soonest they had. Hopefully, we'll all survive until then. I may be 600 pounds by then, but hey. So I came back to my office all puffy-eyed with no make-up left on and a snotty nose. I had brought my personal life to work!! I tried to hide it, but the huge picture window between my office and the lab, makes that really difficult!! Maybe I'll be a little more sympathetic next time someone else's personal life sneaks in the door with them.
Anyway, say a little prayer for all of us, but especially Travis. I'm not quite sure what's going on with him. He's been really good in school for the last 3 years or so and now is just acting out all day, every day. Something's gotta give; and hopefully it won't be my sanity!!!

Thirteen steps back......

I've been dieting on and off for most of my adult life. I finally joined Weight Watchers a couple of years ago and lost 67 pounds only to gain about 20-30 of it back after my surgery two summers ago. Not that surgery caused the weight gain; the perpetual motion of my hand going to my mouth caused the weight gain!!! So some time around August of 08, I decided enough was enough and went back to Weight Watchers. I've since lost the 20-30 pounds I had gained back and we joined the gym last April. We don't go nearly as often as we should and sometimes it's weeks between gym visits. I was only 30 pounds from my goal weight when I slipped into this horrible funk. I've been super busy with work lately, Jessie's mouth has started to over-run her butt, Travis is, well, being Travis, and I am just depressed!! Of course, I'm a stress eater. I guess actually I'm not really a "stress" eater because I eat when I'm happy, bored, whatever. I've decided I'm addicted to food. My new love is Ay Jalisco Mexican Restaurant. Oh how I wish I had never eaten there!!! I keep telling hubby to quit saying yes every time I put in to eat out, but he's not so very good at saying no to me. Which usually is a good thing. Needless to say, my stress and depression have helped to pack on 13 pounds!! Yep, thirteen pounds in three weeks!! How ridiculous is that?! One of my very favorite doctors at work has referred me to a counselor for binge eating and I think I'm actually gonna go. I hate that I do this to myself!! And the whole time I'm shoving food in my face my little brain is hollering for me to back away from the food!! I even have two friends who are Personal Trainers and they TRY to keep me on track. Notice I said TRY. :)
So yesterday, I got back on the band wagon. I'm back on my "life style change" and back to the gym. Oh my goodness how I despise the gym. All those yahoos that go on and on about how much better they feel after a good workout......horse puckey!!! I did take a fun class called Zumba at the gym. I have never felt more uncoordinated in my life, but I did survive the class and it really was alot of fun. I was supposed to go to a kick boxing class tonight but never made it out the front door. Oh well, I only commited to Monday, Wednesday and Friday this week so I don't feel too guilty. Once I get within 25 pounds of my goal weight I'm making my appointment with the Plastic Surgeon. Bye Bye ham hocks and belly fat, bye bye over-cooked sweet potatoes, hello firm, flat and perky!!!! You'd think that would be incentive enough, but sometimes those sour skittles just jump right into my grimey little paws and I'm forced to eat them!!

Rocking the boat

So hubby and I have always been very involved with our kid's school. And our son Travis has ADD and can be very much a pain the rump somtimes. We, meaning hubby, myself, and Travis have been going round and round with the art teacher at his school since his kindergarten year. Things finally boiled over this year and we requested that he either be withdrawn from Art all together or have a third party observer in the class with him at all times. Originally the Principal (who I love dearly) agreed to the third party observer; but since she is retiring this year and there are staffing shortages (thank you very much US Government!), they were not able to have someone in class with him consistently. Well lo and behold on the day no-one could go with him Travis gets a referral in Art. Imagine that!! Several other issues come up in Art, several phone calls are made to the school, several phone calls are ignored by the school. Hubby gets about all he can stand of being ignored and calls the School Board, threatens to sue the School Board and the art teacher for harrassment, rants, raves, and carries on....Principal is called by the School Board. We still hear nothing from Principal (who I still love dearly). Travis spends two days of Art class in the front office because no-one can go with him. We then receive a letter in the mail from Principal that Travis has been removed from Art class for the rest of the year and he can either use that time to do homework or we can check him out of school early. All well and good, but a simple phone call would have saved them a stamp!!! Then today, we get another letter from his regular teacher (whom I love dearly) attached to a referral. Travis has been a horse's patooty and gotten himself in a world of trouble. Again, all well and good, God bless the poor kid when hubby gets home; but a phone call or email would've sufficed instead of the hand written letter. And the icing on the cake....if we need to discuss any of this, we can schedule a conference with half the dang school!! Why am I angry??? Because for eight years, we have had "conferences" in the parent pick up loop, over dinner, at the soccer games, etc. Or we've exchanged nightly phone calls and emails to try to keep Travis in line. Now all of a sudden, since we rocked the boat with the Art thing, we're treated like strangers and made to feel like horrible parents who have never supported the teachers, administration, or faculty of the school. I want to know when standing up for your kid made you a horrible person who never held their kid responsible for anything???? I've never onced asked anyone to give either of my children special treatment because of our involvement with the school. I've never even expected it!! Oh holy moly am I fired up tonight!!!! I must say that I still love the teacher and principal dearly and will continue to support them 100%. Lord knows I couldn't do their job!! And for those who don't know me and may read this and think I'm one of "THOSE" parents who think there children can do no wrong....NOT! Travis may never see daylight again after today and has no idea I am so terribly upset with these people. I did make the mistake of making the feud with the art teacher a very public one in my house and saying things Travis never should have heard; all of which he has taken to school and repeated!! I'm certainly not parent of the year, but we do try!!
Alright, I feel better now! I'll stop ranting......